Depression

What a story… I feel so bad for you, I’m so sorry. I’m not here to judge you, I think it’s actually brave of you to share your story and journey. I think, besides talking to your husband about how you feel, it may be good to talk to someone else about it. Think about someone specialized in these kinda stories. I guess there are enough people who would like to help you out. With that comes that I think it may be good to think about all of this yourself. Ask yourself: what’s important to me? A family, or a life with the two of you? A child, or just leave things the way they are now? I hope you’ll figure it out! Good luck 🤍

Dear Z, I am sorry to read that you do not feel well. I can imagine that you feel scared. Being pregnant can be scary, a lot is changing. Do bear in mind that your hormones also have a huge impact on how you feel and think. I don’t know if you currently have support from a therapist. Maybe it is a good thing to seek for professionel help. Maybe your ‘huisarts’ or ‘verloskundige’ can help to find the right support for you. I think it is still possible to travel with a baby. It will be a lot different from what you are used to, but it will be possible. Your life will not end, it will change, but you will find a way that works for you. Just wish you the best and would like to give you a hug to make you feel a bit better. ❤️

In the hospital there is a ‘pop-poli’. At this place women can talk with specialist about all the feelings that come around when you are pregnant, and also before and after pregnancy. I think this will be a good place to go for you. They will understand you, and guide you through this process. Your ‘huisarts’ can send a letter to the hospital, to sign you in.

I send you a friend request i like to share something with u

Thank you for your reply! I am very indecisive and I’m never sure about anything in my life. As I said “bad childhood”. My parents didn’t really help me to build a good personality. So when I have to make a decision that has a big impact on my life, it’s very difficult. Thank you for listening and taking the time to reply to me 🌹

Thank you AJVDW, this helps a lot! I understand that this might coming from the hormones, but it’s just sooo real! I’m scared that my depression will get worse. Sometimes I barely have energy to take care of myself or do the bare minimum, I don’t know how am I going to take care of another human being. I’m scared of regretting the abortion again, I don’t know if I will survive it this time. I also hate letting my husband to go through all of this. I appreciate your virtual hug 🤗❤️❤️ It’s nice to know there are people who understands my feelings.

Thank you for your reply! I will check with my huisarts. ❤️

Thank you for sharing! My first pregnancy i had the same problems. I got pregnant a little bit too fast, we had to move to a more practical house in a (in my mind) horrible neighborhood. I hated it all, at work i thought i was failing everyone, i couldn’t keep up. I had many talks with special care givers on this subject. Make sure to contact your huisarts! At work i called in sick and was able to focus slowly on what was coming. Making sure i did one thing every day that made me a little bit happier. Walking on the beach, drinking coffee, eating a croissant, meeting with friends. I know it sounds easy, but it wasn’t. I also had a lot of trouble growing up. And when i look back, i feel like my depression also could have happend if i would have broken my leg. If you know what i mean. I had high standards for myself that i could’t fulfill because i felt so horrible the first trimester. When i passed around the 25 weeks i was able to start enjoying my pregnancy. It happend actually after we went on a long camping trip in europe, i even went kitesurfing just to feel like me again. It really helped! When my baby was born i did not feel a pink cloud ore whatever. But i was a mom and i wanted to care for this tiny human. I even went into a very though therapie for a year (schematherapie) together with taking care of a small child and learning to be a mom. You can do all these things! A baby, a human, is a huge responsibility. I think what my parents mostly lack is that they can’t say: ‘i’m sorry that i hurt you, how can i do better?’ I think that you, by opening up to us, you acknowledge that you are not perfect, struggle even. But that you are trying very hard to make the right decision’s. And sometimes there is no right or wrong. Maybe this baby is going to bring the best out in you. And you find your purpose! (It’s still going to be very hard sometimes trust me 🥹, but when i look at that tiny human sleep with so much trust in my arms, i know i did something right) And last of all: GO TRAVEL! Do more of the things you love. You can still do all of that with a baby!

I can understand your concerns and thoughts. I am almost 6 weeks pregnant and one moment I am completely confident and sometimes there is that little nasty voice. I've had depression in the past and my deepest fear is that it will happen again, so I wanted to do everything I could to prevent it. Those nasty thoughts are killing you, that you can't do it well or that it's not worth it. What always helps me is to see depression completely separately from yourself. These are accumulated and unprocessed emotions that can express themselves in this way. That's where the solution lies: processing (painful) things from your past. There are so many different ways to do this, choose a form of therapy that suits you. this is no small feat! Keep talking. What also makes a huge difference is eating as much fresh fruit and vegetables as possible, with few animal products. There are many studies that link animal products and processed foods to your mental well-being. But please, separate your depression from yourself. Hormones make everything extra confusing and it indeed feels so real. You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts may be controlling you right now; but your actions, that's who you are. And I think she is an incredibly sweet, caring woman who wants the best for the world and her child. You are going to show him/her that things are not that bad here and that happiness comes from within yourself. Deep down you know this. Big hug x

Dear Z, I have been suffering from depression most of my life and I still do (I also had a bad childhood). Just like you I also struggle with change and big decisions. A couple of years ago I did become a mother and I can not say that it made life easier, it's tough, messy and overwhelming but I wouldn't have wanted to miss it for the world. As long as you are willing to work on yourself and find yourself a psychologist or coach that can help and guide you, you can do this. The fact that you are here to open up and share your concerns is such a big and brave step. It tells me that you are willing to reflect on yourself, as long as you will keep doing that, you will be a great mom. Yeah, you will screw up, but we all do. The world isn't always a nice place, but it's up to you to show your little one the beauty in life. Travelling is a great added value in that! Please find a specialist who can help you putting your thoughts down, you don't have to go through this alone. Your doctor or verloskundige can help you get to the POP-poli or find a good coach with experience in this field. I wish you all the stength in the world with making your decision, sending the biggest hug!

Thank you so much Letsirkk! Your kind words means the world to me and making me feel better about myself! I like to believe what you said and work on your theory. That it’s only my thoughts and it’s not really me. I’m really a fun person to be around. I just didn’t have a good life before and right now I’m just working hard all the time with no friends no hobbies, it’s just not fun life what i have 🥺. I’m tired all the time and zero energy and motivation to do anything. I hope i will have the energy to care about my baby. Thank you for your message, I really appreciate it. I always think about how bad the world is, but you guys showed me a great support today ❤️❤️ I’m really grateful

Dear Pixar, Thank you so much for being transparent ❤️ I appreciate it Your kind words mean sooo much to me ❤️❤️ I am in front of 2 difficult decision. I am sure that abortion will make me even more depressed and there is a big chance that I will regret it. Having the baby might give me happiness and hope and that’s something I’m grasping onto. I hope that I don’t regret having the baby. I never heard of such thing, although it’s something that may exist, but we don’t hear it, because perhaps parents are ashamed to admit it. I hope that I’ll stay sane, because I feel my mind is going to explode. I have therapy since 1 year, and she’s aware of everything, but I feel like it’s not helping, I feel like I’m doomed like this and there is no way out! Both decisions are difficult

Thank you Soppert for your kind words! ❤️❤️ I’m honestly sooo grateful for all these massages! I’m sorry you had to go through this also :( Its the worst feeling ever :( I’m afraid that I will lose myself after the baby. I feel that if there is a little light inside of me now, it will disappear after having a baby and I will fail my baby! Right now, honestly my husband is my only motivation in the world, I’m alive right now because he’s alive. I don’t care about anything else in the world. I feel more light because there is nothing else grounding me to this life. Having a baby from him can give me 2 insights. One that I’m having a piece from the person I love (very happy though), also since I don’t have friends or family here (my social life is zero) And the other one, it makes me heavier that I have to try harder and work harder for my baby (which seems tiring), like I have to stay in this world. I will do my best for my little family 🤍 I appreciate your message, thank you so much! ❤️❤️

If you even want to talk, I’m here! I already sent you a friend request so we can talk about this or other stuff in private 😊

That’s very kind of you 🥺 I really appreciate it 🌹

Of course!

Where do you live? Feel free to contact me too, i don’t think anyone had to experience something like this alone ❤️

Dear Z, Regretting having a baby does exist, I do believe though that with people like you and me this is mainly happening due to not having the right help with putting things together. Feeling therapy doesn't work is a feeling I am also familiar with, I'm really sorry to hear you go through that. Its really difficult to find the right person that can actually help you. I dont know where you live but if you want, send me a friend request, I work as a coach for moms and I would love to try to help you putting your thoughts in order. I am not a psychologist but I think I am a pretty good coach and I have experience working with moms going through similair thoughts as yours. Don't worry, i'm not offering this to make money. It will be completely free of charge. Feel free at any time to reach out to me! No one should ever have to go through something like this alone.

Thank you 🤍 I will send you friend request

Thank you Pixar! I’m really grateful for you reply 🤍 i will send you friend request